Change

I’m not even sure I could list all the ways I’ve changed. I think the biggest change is confidence. I never lacked confidence, but my confidence has changed. I think I used to feed off of just not caring. I was confident because I refused to acknowledge the opinions of people around me. In the last 2 years I’ve come to the understanding that most people just don’t think about me as much as I think they do. Everyone is too worried about their own life to think about mine. And even if they are thinking about me, it’s fleeting, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if this shift in perspective is noticeable from the outside, but it’s my mentality. I’ve also become more decisive, possibly because of how my confidence has changed. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and not to worry about outside influences. Is this a good thing? Probably not, but it makes buying things a heck of a lot quicker. I’ve become a lot more opinionated, and rant-y. Or maybe not, but I don’t remember spending so my time talking to my mother about my deep seeded hate for slow walkers. Maybe I haven’t really changed, I’ve just become more. More exaggerated, maybe. When I think of grade eight Julie, I think of badly fitting shirts and pretending to be ‘random’ I suppose I’ve slowly been becoming more paranoid. When I was little I was incredibly paranoid, constantly checking over my shoulder and never being able to sleep. Rather than being constantly being afraid of being stabbed, i’ve been becoming paranoid that everything is part of a weird plot to cause me severe emotional damage. I know that disagrees with what I said before, but it’s still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I guess two years ago I had it under control, and now it’s seeping back. That’s not a great change. I could do without it. I used to like to pretended to be sad. Like being sad earned me points, made me ‘deep’. It just made me miserable. It made me attract people who thought they could fix me, and made me think I needed to be fixed. I’m glad that I grew out of that. All in all, I can’t really say with certainty how I’ve changed, just that I have changed. Maybe not on the outside, but there was definitely a change.

Minds On - Better Business Model

Yea, I guess I agree with the concept of letting people do their own thing but is it really that groundbreaking? Perhaps because I live in an age where Wikipedia exists and tons of people write ridiculously long code because they enjoy it, I don’t find the concept insane. I’m not surprised by the idea of people doing what they enjoy and getting work done because they want to. You have YouTubers putting up videos because they enjoy the process, and even they are willing to admit that they become less inclined to post anything when it starts feeling like they have to. I get that way with everything. Sure I don’t mind the idea of, say, parodying a song about a book, but with a due date I become reluctant to start working on it. (This is just an example, I love my Of Mice and Men/Blank Space parody. It’s great) Something about being told to do something makes it seem nearly laborious. I hate clutter and love organizing, but it will take 4 hours longer if you tell me I need to clean my room or something. My point is, while I totally agree with the guy, I’m not sure his point is as groundbreaking as he thought. Whatever. More importantly is what we are going to do with it. Truth is, it’s probably going to stay an idea with a couple of examples of success. Just like the idea of changing the school system, people are always going to be too afraid of it. Maybe that’s not so bad though, it provides the constant aspiration to change while never actually making said change. It’s a good way to feel productive.

Careers Blog Part One.

For my career assignment, I am going to interview a paramedic. Being a paramedic has interested me for a while. I like the idea of working hands-on, under pressure, and the way the job demands adaptability. Paramedics provide immediate response to any medical emergency, and thus the must me able to deal with 'gross' things, which I can totally do. In the future, I am going to be take biology and health sciences. From the I will probably go into a paramedic program. I want to be a paramedic because I like the on scene idea of it. You have to work fast, with a clear mind and that kind of environment really appeals to me. The job is always changing, like you're not going to walk up to and accident and think, "damn same one I had yesterday" Being a paramedic is also a hands-on job, which is totally the opposite of what I thought I'd want to do, but the more I think, the less I want to be stuck in a building all day doing paper work. I hope to ask the person I am interviewing about their experiences, what it like to actually be out there and how it feels. I want to know about the hardest parts of the jobs and all the tedious stuff they hate doing. I hope to ask about how hard schooling was and whether its hard to find a job afterwards. Most importantly, I need to find out how much I need to work on my noodle arms, because they aren't good for heavy lifting. 

Of Mice and Men Part 3

My comments are in red
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qJebQvca0kpQBQWuAVIFfRMguXTokTnXrnsnGSLYFfw/edit

Of Mice and Men Part 2

THE IDEAL LIFE

1. I like a lot of things about my life right now. They people I’m spending time with are great and the weather is in that perfect rainy time where everything feels like it about to happen so I’m in an all around great mood. Specifically right this very second I’m wearing this killer outfit and I feel pretty great and incredibly comfortable so that's great.
2. I mean my stomach hurts a little but it pretty much always does right now and  I’m dealing with this weird conflict with my amount of confidence in areas it matters vs areas it doesn't. There's also this impending sense of doom that lingers at the back of my mind all of the time, but I think i’ve just written it off as a personality trait.
3. In ten years I hope would ideally love to live in the Netherlands or Denmark and ride my bike everywhere. The thing is though, I’m probably going to live in a terrible apartment in a shady part of downtown trying to make it by like all the other people my age. I’m learning to be OK with that.
4. 6 months ago I would say I was going to be rich and spend my time being rich, doing rich people things. Now I’m going to spend my time probably barely getting by or driving around doing odd jobs around the country. That sounds nice.
5. My spare time I’ll probably play the guitar with mediocrity and read angst-y poems and listen to folk music while dancing around. I really don’t know.

IS THE IDEAL LIFE POSSIBLE?

I think everybody's current ‘ideal life’ is attainable, but as we gain more we want more so we are always striving for just a little extra. As well, we could get what we want but it won’t always live up to expectations. So yeah, the ‘ideal life’ is possible but its never going to be enough for you. There is always just one thing we would change and that keeps us improving.

REVIEW OF THE BOOK SO FAR

1. I really like this part of the book. The first part I figured the book was going to be kind of slow without any strong moments and the whole this just blurring together. Actually, when I started reading I thought immediately I was going to hate it. I thought the writing style would be hard to get it to and make sense of. However, it really wasn't and I didn't find myself looking back on the last few pages wondering what happened. It’s moving quickly without much filler which my short attention span is eating up. I don’t find the dialogue weird and forced to sound cool. Overall, my low expectations were easily surpassed.
2. The strongest point of the book for me would definitely be George and Lennie's relationship. Its so real and tense that's it makes you feel uncomfortable at times. Like you're intruding on a private thing because you just don’t quite fit with the flow of them. A low point is definitely the fact that there is one single female with dialogue in this book and she doesn't even have a real name. Sure it’s the 1930’s and they are on a ranch doing labor for money, but Curley's wife could have been given a name, or a less shallow story. “I married a man so I could leave home” just feels weak.
3. Actually, I don’t think I would recommend this to anyone, for entirely selfish reasons. My parents have already read it, so I can’t say them, and I’m not sure any of my friends would actually like it. If they did like it, I run this risk of them having a better understanding of it and then I lose something that feels like mine. So, no, even though I liked it I would selfish like to keep it to myself.
4. One of the messages in the book is that family isn't blood. Many times throughout the book George has to defend Lennie and defend his relationship with him. On page 39 - 43 George gets into a long conversation with Slim about Lennie and the trouble Lennie has caused, but George sticks around. That's what family does, it sticks around even though its tough.

Of Mice and Men Part 1

QUESTIONS:

1. INFERENCE: What is Lennie’s opinion of George? Find a line from the book to support your opinion; include the page number.
   I believe Lennie thinks very highly of George and believes he is very smart. On page 14 Lennie says, “No… you tell it. It ain’t the same if I tell it. Go on… George. How I get to tend the rabbits.” I think this shows that Lennie actually likes having George around.

2. INFERENCE: What is George’s opinion of Lennie? Find a line from the book to support your opinion; include the page number.

I think George really loves Lennie, even when Lennie is being an idiot. On page 11 it says, “[George’s] anger left him suddenly. He looked across the fire at Lennie’s anguished face, and then he looked ashamedly at the flames.” He feels bad about lashing out at Lennie because he doesn’t actually want him to leave.

3. ASKING QUESTIONS: What do Lennie and George dream of doing in the future?

Lennie and George wants to own some land with some rabbits. Lennie is going to raise lots of rabbits all of different colours.

4. PREDICTION: Will they live their dream?  Why or why not?

I think they have the potential to, however I don’t think they will in the book because it is a rather short book and judging by where they are now I don’t think there will be time for that to happen.

5. CLARIFICATION: What happened at George and Lennie’s last place of work?  Why?

George and Lennie had to flee their previous job in Weed because Lennie likes soft things and he inappropriately petted a girls dress causing all the men to case them out of town.

6. CONNECTION: Diary entry.  Click on this LINK, watch the powerpoint, and complete the diary assignment on the last slide.

Dear Diary,

We just arrived in California in hopes of Ma and Pa finding work. They heard that the job market might be a little more hopeful down here. I hope it’s true. One day, I bet this will all seem like a little bump in the road. We will own a great big house and the whole family can live there.  Until then, we are living out of a room at one of our relatives houses. They seem nice but Ma never seem comfortable. I hope we find a more space soon though, Jonathan snores and it echos through the room all night. I haven’t gotten a wink of sleep since we got here. I suppose it’s only been one night, but tomorrow I am starting at a new school and I’d hate to not be ready. Ma says that I have to go to school so that she can go out and try to find any way to make money, so I’m going to be on my very best behaviour there to help them out! Anyway, Diary, I have to get going, it’s almost dinner and I’m starving! I haven’t eaten all day! I’ll write tomorrow, I promise!

Of Mice And Men PreRead

Before	Statement	After
-	People that are poor should rely on their friends, family, or church for help, not the government.
+	A true friend will tell you the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it.
+	The “n-word” is more offensive than other racial slurs because of the history of hate behind it.
-	Women today are more often treated by men as equals rather than objects
-	When people are a victim of a crime, they should be able to take the law into their own hands.
-	Nations with the death penalty have lower murder rates
+	The best place for justice to be determined is in a court of law.
-	Being rich is more important than having close friends.
+	Sometimes a person has to break the law to make sure justice is served.
+	Life today is more difficult and complex than it was in the 1930’s

Blog:

Women today are more often treated by men as equals rather than objects. Except when men treat us like objects by cat-calling us on the streets or objectify us in magazines and online. We are more often treated as equals except for the whole wage gap and how women in high positions are often assumed to have done something to get to that position. I don’t agree with that statement because I see the opposite everyday. You’d think it was true, but for some god forsaken reason in this day and age it still isn’t. Like I’m still not expected to have loud opinions because there is something less desirable about a girl with a loud mouth. I guess I have to believe the opposite of this statement because if I don’t I disregard countless women's own experiences and it’s the least I can to do avoid trying to do that. If you say that now women are mostly treated as equal you pretty much abolish the need for feminism but we definitely need feminism and so women clearly aren’t mostly being treated as equal. I was even afraid to drop ‘feminism’ in this in fear of my point not being taken seriously like advocating equal rights is a negative thing put that way and that definitely says something.

1. Who are the main characters in the story?

Lennie and George.

2. What are some of the characters’ distinguishing characteristics?

Lennie is big and strong but super dumb and George is small but smarter and very protective.

3. What is the setting of the novel?
   The fields in California in the 1930s?
4. What can you piece together about the plot of the novel?  What do you think will happen?

I think that Lennie will mess up badly and George will have to get them out of it.

5. What themes are present in the novel?

There are themes of family vs friends, poverty, and equality.

Exactly 1000 words

Although blogging is viewed as a new innovative way to get students writing, it’s creating the same sense of boredom as with all the writing styles before us.

Blog

n. A website that displays postings by one or more individuals in chronological order and usually has links to comments on specific postings.

n. (Computer Science) a journal written on-line and accessible to users of the internet. Full name: weblog

n. a regularly updated website or web page, typically one run by an individual or small group, that is written in an informal or conversational style

Blogs have become a weirdly diverse form of media. No guidelines and no limitation, and this could be because ‘blogging’ was never taught in school. Nobody gave students a layout to a good blog post, taught them a five-step process in making a blog. People probably loved the freedom. Now, however, we are using blogging in school. Throughout our time in future forums we are told to write out blogs as informal essays, with a thesis and a strong argument. We are told that the key to a good blog is a point that requires debate. Here’s the thing about our ‘blogs’; we’ve been forcing the concept of a blog into a nice square box we call ‘classroom.’ With that came nobody wanting to go home and write a strongly worded blog post. Just like nobody wants to go home and write an essay.

Perhaps this is why blogs dropped in popularity. People turned to vlogging, or to the microblogging formats of social media sites. Our teachers decided to turn it into education and people got bored. I, personally, don’t know a single person in my age demographic who avidly reads a blog. Is it because kids just don’t care? Maybe, but more likely we've just jumped to the newest form of media. When the school board jumps onto things, surprise, the people lose interest.

So what though? We aren't writing blogs to attract hordes of dedicated readers. No! We are writing blogs to improve our writing while still writing about what we students care about! But that’s the thing, we know these blogs count for something, and we know that our teachers expect something. They expect a thousand words, a good thesis. They also expect creativity. With blogging, and anything to do with school, there is this fear of failure. You have to impress one person. You have to appeal specifically to one person’s opinion. There is no room for creativity in that situation. No, in that situation there is only room for faking it. Blogging creates a fun divide between writing about what we want to (ex. The Kardashians, the porn industry, bathroom etiquette) and what our teacher actually probably wants us to talk about (ex. Probably politics, failing school systems, anything that was ever a TED talk). No matter how many times we are told to write about what we like, we know what we like won’t carry us to the kind of things that are expected.

And now the teachers are in turmoil! “We want you to express yourself,” they scream. OK, theoretical teachers! Here is how a blog post would go if I wrote a blog how I wanted, about what I wanted:

Kim Kardashian is more important than you think, and you hating on her proves it.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Actually, that could be a really good blog post.” And you’re right. It could be a good blog post if I began to talk about the media, our ideas of people versus their own self, and stuff like that. However, I don’t want to write about that because I don’t actually care about that. I want to talk about being her best friend or write a thousand words about having Kris Jenner (I think she actually changed her name) as my mom. I don’t believe everything has to be an argument and if I want to talk about something I like, I don’t want to bend it to fit somebody else’s idea of how I should tackle the topic.

            If I write blogs the way I’m supposed to write blogs, they feel insincere. They feel as insincere as the three paragraph essays. In just 2 short months I've lumped “Future Forums blog post” in “Things I could fake for the mark” along with other essays, newspaper articles, poems, and pretty much all the other writing I've done for school. The faking makes these tasks tedious because my mind wanders to all the things I actually care about. Even this blog is written about something I don’t care about. My mind has been wandering to things like “I wonder how many words I could write about Hayley Williams hair” My eyes have flashed to the word count every couple of seconds in an attempt to squeeze 1000 words from my apathy.

            Or maybe it’s my own apathy that makes blogs so tedious. I don’t care. I fake care and then when that fake care turns into real care, I stop caring. I fake cared about blogs until I started caring about them for school and now I don’t care. I can’t find it in me to care about things in a non-sarcastic way. If that’s the issue, however, I would have just written a bunch of words that don’t matter.

            Back to the point, blogging for school takes an open-ended media and creates edges, and pressures. Once we put blogging into the school system, the school system works its blood sucking magic. Or at least by the time the school system hopes on board the activity has already lost its mass public appeal. Either way, getting us to write informal essays and calling them blogs does not make the groans any quieter or the collective chant of excuses any less persistent. Like watching your mom twerk, it loses its appeal faster than you can throw a towel over her. I guess that’s the nature of the education beast.  

Politics

Your Political Compass

Economic Left/Right: -5.25
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -7.23

More Music?

Hating on 'today's music' is just making you an annoying, angry, grump. Please stop.

I'm going to let you in on a secret, there isn't much that's unique to your favorite band. They probably haven't done anything too revolutionary with music. Actually, they probably used the same chord progression as Justin Bieber. YES! Your precious Led Zepplin used the 50's progression, Justin Bieber used the 50's progression, Madonna used the 50's progression (but I like to think she would call it the ice cream changes). The 50s progression is I - vi - IV - V ( I don't actually know much about chord progressions, but I know in C major it's C - Am - F - G). I can play your rock music back to back with pop music. Oh, the humanity!

Ok, here's the thing, pop music, for the most part, is repetitive, made for that masses, and diluted. It's designed to be sold. I hate it, you probably hate it, we both probably have hummed Shake It Off at least once. But this mass produced music is not all the music that this age has to offer. There has been bad pop music, and there will continue to be bad pop music. I think everyone can agree with that.

No, my problem is the fact that people actually believe the music industry as a whole is dead. There are people who think it's going to crash into the ground and from the ashes will rise a new, better generation of music. History is due to repeat itself, and just like in the 20's and all through the last hundred years, music is evolving, and some people are being grumps about it.

The fact is, today we have a million new ways to create music. We can throw together some beats at a computer, or we can sit down a play with a guitar for hours on end. Both will make music, but one way always seems to get incredible backlash. Since the guitar is a much more traditional way of doing it, people perceive it as more sincere. Who is to say that person at the computer didn't put thought into it? Maybe they thought the whole song out, each note.

My personal favorite band is The 1975. They were a band for about 10 years before they started trying to get their music out there and it shows. Their first album is a compilation of what they sounded like over 10 years. They have classic guitar/bass/drums/keyboard/vocals songs, but also very heavily produced songs. They still take music seriously and they plan out every ridiculous part of their albums.  I don't know how someone can say something about how everyone in the music business is in it for money, or how nobody cares about their songs anymore. If you stopped and listened to the artist, regardless of whether you liked the music or not, you know that they care.

Not only that, you have plenty of artist taking 'risks' still. Karen O's debut album, Crush Songs is strange and, uncomfortable at times. It's incredibly raw and under-produced, with singing that sounds almost distant, and still very gentle. Or if not risking the underproduction, you risk the overproduction. St. Vincent's most recent, self-titled album, is almost intergalactic. Nearly all the music is produced via technology and her lyrics are far from what's considered social acceptable. To say music now is void of risks is to look solely at what you want to see.

Maybe it's just that people don't want to listen to anything to do with new music, so they label it with scary and bad. Kind of like what old people to with technology.

Imagine Dragons

I, I BET MY LIFE, I BET MY LIFE, I BET MY LIFE, that if I have to hear this song one more time, I might just cut my own ears off.

That's only a slight exaggeration because not only is that song annoying, it's disappointing. 3 years ago Imagine Dragons came out of nowhere, with a killer debut album. It was original, and unique, but not in a way that felt forced. They didn't have any eyes on them, and they made the music they wanted. The Music they wanted, and miraculously, music people wanted to hear. Their song 'It's Time' became the theme for Perks of Being a Wallflower, and shortly after, 'Radioactive' became the theme for the Host, two movies I was incredibly excited for. Next thing you know, I own the album and it's on repeat.

Flash forward a year or so, 'Radioactive' has run its course on pop radio as a coveted crossover song, and I had long since taken the album off  repeat. Imagine Dragons had earned a fan base though, and you can't go long without producing before the pop culture fan base gets bored. So 'Monster' came out. It was okay but ultimately forgettable. While it still sounded somewhat uniquely Imagine Dragons, the lyrics were boring. I think it's around that time I checked out, stopped caring. Actually, I wish I stopped caring. To be honest, I wasn't even aware the band had put out a new song till it was already in heavy rotation.

The second I heard 'I Bet My Life' I was angry. This? Not only did they think writing a song so terrible was acceptable, they thought it was okay to release it as a single, instead of burying under the rest of the album. This song is the definition of generic pop. It's boring, but not so boring that people stop listening, and the chorus is repeated back enough times you know it by heart after one listen. Scratch that, the chorus is yelled at you several times. The verses have an inkling of the bands former sound, you could tell its Imagine Dragons, at least. Now, don't get me wrong, I am all for a band's evolution of sound, changing and growing. Marina and the Diamonds actually call each or her albums 'eras' making sure she doesn't revisit the past in her new albums. Heck! I re- fell in love with Fall Out Boy after a 5 year hiatus and a completely different sounds. It’s fantastic and they do it gracefully.

Imagine Dragons, however, didn't evolve, no they sound more like they were genetically mutated. 'I Bet My Life' takes what the band used to be, at least the most popular parts of their music, and smashed it together with traditional pop music song construction. In fact, there is no doubt that Imagine Dragons have become more distinctly pop. 'I Bet My Life' vs Other Pop Songs, vs 'Amsterdam' by Imagine Dragons. The pattern is not quite as strong in 'I Bet My Life' as other pop songs, it's a millions time stronger than the non-existent one in Amsterdam.

It could have been done rather well, I’ll admit, but they didn't take the time. The lyrics, the part that always made the band for me, were thrown to the wayside, and as much as I loved the fresh vibe the band gave off, it could hardly carry the band through the next album. Especially since they're next album is just a diluted version of who they used to be. They just threw it together and hoped no one would care. That's what bugs me the most, it sounds like they just stopped caring. There is almost an unwritten contract between artist and listener, like the listener will stay with the artist through whatever creative endeavors they take on, as long as the artist keeps caring about the music they are making.

This unwritten contract violation is the real problem for me. I've seen many artists I loved put out pop albums, and although they feel like simpler, dumbed down versions of the band, I still felt like they cared. Imagine Dragons stopped caring, when it came to ‘I Bet My Life’ and that's what hurts. Like so many other artists, they didn't bring about this ridiculous change for themselves. They saw people liked what they made and probably decided to try to stay the same while not staying boring; try to mix in some terrible pop inspired component instead of what they wanted. And so, down came the curse of pop music, to never sound sincere. Please don't assume I mean 'popular' music either because the term 'pop', like music itself, has evolved. Pop is its own genre, its own genre categorized by insincerity. Songs written by other people to boost your brand, managers breathing down your neck, and vaguely lyrics written to be related to. It's a scene. A scene ‘I Bet My Life’ was desperately trying to be a part of.

When it’s all said and done, ‘I Bet My Life’ the worst offender on the album, but the other songs they've so far released, are close being. The majority of the album just sounds like I said, a diluted version of them, a simpler version of them, and a less genuine version of them. Overall, the album is not bad, far from good, and disappointing. 

Let this be my final goodbye, Imagine Dragons. You know where to find me if you choose to start making music you care about again. Farewell.

Slam

Chasing Home: The idea of 'home' has always been a favorite of mine. This idea of picking up and moving yourself across the country, but still calling somewhere else home, it's confusing to me. When I leave my small, not town, no, hamlet, I hope I can cut ties. I don't know where I'm going, but I know the ties would make it hard to move. I so, I really liked this one. Holly managed to spit the word out in rhythm, but also remove the venom from it. Although I don't love much angrier, venomous slam poem, I still like falling into the beat of any of them. You didn't always have to listen to the words, because she got her point across with just her voice, and that’s pretty important.

Bitch Poem: "Bitches who want their 23 cents back" god, I love angry poems. This aggression that could change a world, makes you shut up a listen. The desire to reclaim word that have been used against us, it's powerful. The best way to take an argument and turn it around. They can’t insult you if you accept the insult.

3: Whether intentional or not I was kind of really insulted. Maybe it was just me but it sounded like she was telling me I'm not a real women because I enjoy wearing makeup or recently bought 604 pages of advertisements called Vogue. The idea that the length of your dress dictates how much of a woman you are is both what she was trying to fight against, but also what she preached. She tried to mask a lot of non-acceptance with some pretty rhymes. I think instead of telling women not to dress a certain way, we should tell them to dress however they want. I does not matter if her dress is to short, to tight, to low cut, you cannot judge a person's sense of self-worth from their clothes, and you cannot decide who they are dressing for. She made it sound like she was better than everyone else, that she had more dignity, because she covered her skin and didn’t wear makeup.

4: I feel unqualified to make any comment. With women, I have the experience, but with race I have none. It's an oppression I don't understand, I can’t voice opinions because my opinions are uneducated. To say, I've never seen it is to admit I'm blind. My "I think" means nothing because it matter much more what they feel. 

Ella-Ella-Ella

It's the all-American dream, right? Rags to riches. Diapers to Dior. You always read about it. It's happened to someone, we promise. The start of the poem almost feels very much like somebody is trying to convince you that, no, this really is possible, look at all the people that have done it. If these people can do it, so can you. At least that's what it feels like, propaganda almost.

The poem goes on to narrate a very dark version of the Grimm fairy tale, Cinderella. There's something that feel almost distorted about it though, it's like looking through glasses with a prescription just a little bit too strong. Sexton commentates the story while telling it, describing the ball as "a marriage market" as her opinions seep into the story. Not only that, she drops plot points from the story to make it seem just a little bit more twisted as if to only create further sympathy for Cinderella. I think Sexton purposely made Cinderella's life more miserable so that when she 'makes it' it's even more impressive.

(I wrote more, but blogger deleted it. and I don't really remember it.)

My Speech

I was, am, and will be Julie, but even that isn’t consistent.  I change on an hourly basis.  I’m not being deep and perceptive, either, I rarely carry the same beliefs through the day. It’s hard to imagine myself liking anything long enough to have it shape some facet of my personality, except for maybe music. I’ve never sat around a campfire without music, never ate dinner with my family without music, and these days, I find it hard to go to sleep without music. It’s become perpetual. Walk from my sister room to the living room, to my bedroom, and there will be at least 3 songs on. There is very rarely silence in my life, no, there is never silence in my life. [J1] 

In 2008, my family and my uncle’s family camped our way out to Nova Scotia. That trip I heard “hey there Delilah, what’s it like it New York City” no less than 5000 times[J2] , closely followed by “you can stand under my umbrella-ella-ella” at probably 4000 times. The first song played at my school dance was “I got that magic in me.”  I was almost born to Living La Vida Loca, and I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor always brings my mum and me to our feet. Memories have been formed around music for me. It’s not just memories though. My dad doesn’t talk about his father much, but there’s this strange emotion that comes across his face every time Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt comes on. For a moment, I get it. The only time I can picture my dad’s ‘worst year ever’ is when he’s listening to that song. As weird and twisted as it sounds, my empathy comes from music. Oh, you’re in love, is it like La Vie En Rose or A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More ‘Touch Me’? See, know I get it.

 I’ve meticulously mulled over melodies[J3]  like some people mull over verses in the bible. On Sunday’s I wake up to the acoustic versions of songs my mum has given me over the years, and I’ve found a place of worship in between waking up and getting out of bed. I’ve grown up without religion and though I can’t say for sure, music might be the closest thing to one I’ll ever have. Maybe it’s over dramatic but at times when I feel as emotionally stunted as an 18-year-old boy I guess music reminds me that saying things like “I’d be an anchor, but I’m scared you’ll drown” is both cheesy and not going to make you any less strong. It’s this idea that I can’t say it, but somebody else can so that’s ok. Or, on the flip side, nobody is going to say that to me, but I can find a song who will say it and damn it! It’ll mean more because it’ll be in song form! I’ll always find music that relates to me, and if not, I’ll just play the same songs again, and again, and again.[J4] 

Music has become the second skin I wear to keep warm.[J5]  It’s gone out and had experiences I haven’t but it’s brought the good and bad back to me. At times, I’ve lived almost vicariously through music, learned what it feels like to live three minutes and forty-six seconds in somebody else’s shoes. And I want to try to do that as much as possible. Because of that, the idea of there not being music on is strange. I’ve fallen in love with countless people, countless different ways, through music. Been through heartbreak, and heartache, set to a minor progression. I’ve never needed to wonder if music is the food of love[J6] , I know because I’ve been binge eating since I was a child, and I hope I’ll never have to stop.

                             

---

 [J1]Metanoia

 [J2]Hyperbole

 [J3]Alliteration

 [J4]epizeuxis

 [J5]metaphor

 [J6]Allusion 

Efface

"I’m no more your mother
Than the cloud that distills a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind’s hand."
-Morning Song, Silvia Plath 

Not going to lie, I googled the definition of effacement. 

Effacement (verb)
1. to wipe out; to do away with; expunge

Here's a not so secret secret: Babies make you feel old. Nothing about having to care for every aspect of a childs life make you feel young. Nobody has ever gone "Wow, I feel so youthful and full of life when I have to get up a two a.m.!" I think what's happening is the baby is reminding Plath of her own mortality, and she's trying to distract herself from it. Many times people have children so they can live on in their children. You put so much of your time into your children, you've given so much of your self to them that it's hard for you not to live through them once you are dead. It's feels like Plath is saying "I'm not really your mother, I'm just raising you so I can forget my own eventual demise." Apparently it didn't work, or her head probably wouldn't have gotten so close to that oven. Too soon? 

More Found Poetry

A Poem About A Debut Album As Told By The Lead Singer, Pieced Together By A Third Party. 

a record of idealization,

of antiquated memories,

kind of faded splendor

of art and the idea of situationism

a contrived thing

everything we do is stylized

posing your identity

without being attention-seeking

Acquire stimulation changes, 

unpredictability is what defines us.

yearning to achieve my own potential

To bleed into humanity

Needlessly romantic,

this perpetual cycle of creativity.

Hopelessly romantic,

we've lived; we've grown up.

from http://iamhighvoltage.com/2013/07/27/the-1975/

A Poem Found By Dropping the Excessive Parts Of A Song. 

Count you out,

Your on your own.
Then I found myself alone.

Through all the trouble,
within my walls.
All I've done defeats me.

what can I do,
If you're not here?
where can I go?

You want me to tell you,
Need to hear about it.
Then I found myself alone.

As subtle as I can,
I'm forgotten, I'm forgotten.
Assume that nothing needs me

From the song Everybody's Watching Me by The Neighborhood 

ps. i'm sorry about the weird highlighting?

I Found A Poem

We Had A Dream 

what will go down in history,

whose symbolic shadow?

America of the Fierce,

its vicious racists

For whites only

justice rolls down like waters.

Go back to the slums 

in the valley of despair

The Negro's discontent will not pass.

To make justice a reality

would be fatal for the nation.

We must be guilty of wrongful deeds.

we shall always march

on a lonely island of poverty

seared in the flames of withering injustice.

the Negro is not free.

An Interview

I decided for this interview I’d interview my mother, I woman who I figured would know be pretty well. However, I ended up getting incredibly short answers. When I asked her what the most interesting thing about me was, she replied with something about how smart I am. My point is that my mother gave rather shallow answers. Shallow or not, I still managed to learn a little bit about myself. For example, my mother said my most prominent personality trait was my sense of direction, and then went on to say that my hamartia is tunnel vision. I guess it’s always been that way, I know what I want and I’m going to get it. It’s not always good, not always bad, but I have to work on it being a good thing more than a bad thing. My mother also said I don’t have any harmful personality traits, and I think she gets the whole balance thing. All things in moderation, I guess. All the skills my mother listed were mental skills, which works with her saying that I needed to gain skills that include working with my hands. That being said, they day I learn a trade will probably be the day pigs fly. Why? It’s just not me. I do think she’s right though, because there are plenty of jobs that you need to be smart and handy. You can’t examine a crime scene without being able to very carefully pick it apart, and I don’t want a doctor with terrible coordination. My mother said  I decided for this interview I’d interview my mother, I woman who I figured would know be pretty well. However, I ended up getting incredibly short answers. When I asked her what the most interesting thing about me was, she replied with something about how smart I am. My point is that my mother gave rather shallow answers. Shallow or not, I still managed to learn a little bit about myself. For example, my mother said my most prominent personality trait was my sense of direction, and then went on to say that my hamartia is tunnel vision. I guess it’s always been that way, I know what I want and I’m going to get it. It’s not always good, not always bad, but I have to work on it being a good thing more than a bad thing. My mother also said I don’t have any harmful personality traits, and I think she gets the whole balance thing. All things in moderation, I guess. All the skills my mother listed were mental skills, which works with her saying that I needed to gain skills that include working with my hands. That being said, they day I learn a trade will probably be the day pigs fly. Why? It’s just not me. I do think she’s right though, because there are plenty of jobs that you need to be smart and handy. You can’t examine a crime scene without being able to very carefully pick it apart, and I don’t want a doctor with terrible coordination. When I asked what my greatest weakness was, my mother didn’t miss a beat before saying that it was my inability to put myself out there. She’s not wrong, generally, social situations terrify me. Which is a really big weakness, career wise, because networking is a thing, and its a thing that really scares me. All in all, I’m not sure my mother taught me anything about myself, she just reminded me of a lot of things, like how good I am at eyeliner (that’s not a joke, thats a thing she said).

5

The five most important people in my life are Grace Helbig, my Dad, my friend Sarah, my Mum, and my step - grandmother,


Grace Helbig, although I don't actually know her, my life sometimes feels like a stream of her content. She has this sort of awkward, nervous air to her that I totally get. At one point I even picked up her awkward flat hand, hand gesture. She calls her self 'the older sister of the internet' and she has become exactly that. Shes just influences so many parts of my life, I guess.

My Father is a weird on, because the traits he's given me aren't exactly the best ones, he's stubborn, argumentative, and opinionated, just like me. He's says black, I argue white, it's infuriating at the best of times. Plus, many of his political views are like anti-inspirational. It still feels like he should be on this list though.

Sarah is a year younger than me and we hardly ever see each other, but she's cool. She's full of life, incredibly social, and the kind of person who knows what she wants, She's going to be a writer, and although her writing right now is probably down right average for her grade level, she doesn't stop. She's relentless with her writing, it's her all her free time. She's also the social butterfly I've never been, god that girl has a lot of friends. There's something about her that make me want to be on her level.

My mother graduated university working part time at TD. Recently, she met her new branch manager, who was born the same year she started working there. Her job isn't going anywhere, she knows it. Her economics degree is sitting in the basement, collecting dust, and she never uses economics. My mum is the reason you have to be motivated to go where you want, or else you don't go anywhere, Bless her.

My step grandmother worked in the back for 30 years, and retired at 58. Now, shes an artist, goes down to Florida in the winter, and started part time work at my grandfather job, because she was bored. I guess she had the drive my mum didn't. She this strange, great, kind of feminist, where she goes out, has a killer career, and comes home a is like Debbie domestic. Its pretty cool. She gets on my nerves but her life has been full, and awesome.

So there's the 5 most important people in my life, I guess.