I’m not even sure I could list all the ways I’ve changed. I think the biggest change is confidence. I never lacked confidence, but my confidence has changed. I think I used to feed off of just not caring. I was confident because I refused to acknowledge the opinions of people around me. In the last 2 years I’ve come to the understanding that most people just don’t think about me as much as I think they do. Everyone is too worried about their own life to think about mine. And even if they are thinking about me, it’s fleeting, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if this shift in perspective is noticeable from the outside, but it’s my mentality. I’ve also become more decisive, possibly because of how my confidence has changed. I’ve learned to go with my gut, and not to worry about outside influences. Is this a good thing? Probably not, but it makes buying things a heck of a lot quicker. I’ve become a lot more opinionated, and rant-y. Or maybe not, but I don’t remember spending so my time talking to my mother about my deep seeded hate for slow walkers. Maybe I haven’t really changed, I’ve just become more. More exaggerated, maybe. When I think of grade eight Julie, I think of badly fitting shirts and pretending to be ‘random’ I suppose I’ve slowly been becoming more paranoid. When I was little I was incredibly paranoid, constantly checking over my shoulder and never being able to sleep. Rather than being constantly being afraid of being stabbed, i’ve been becoming paranoid that everything is part of a weird plot to cause me severe emotional damage. I know that disagrees with what I said before, but it’s still a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I guess two years ago I had it under control, and now it’s seeping back. That’s not a great change. I could do without it. I used to like to pretended to be sad. Like being sad earned me points, made me ‘deep’. It just made me miserable. It made me attract people who thought they could fix me, and made me think I needed to be fixed. I’m glad that I grew out of that. All in all, I can’t really say with certainty how I’ve changed, just that I have changed. Maybe not on the outside, but there was definitely a change.
